Its been a bad day really. Son isn't listening and screaming like a two year old when asked to do anything. I bought some nice stuff to snack on and he got into all of it. I've lost my appetite again. I'm also done being a fool for someone that doesn't show he cares in any way whatsoever. I texted and wished him well but that I'm not playing a fool anymore. Earlier he said he'd call and of course he didn't. I don't know why I do this to myself, I don't know if this is just me wanting to be with another person that treats me like crap.. it wasn't crap like the ex, but being ignored for weeks and not saying much nice to me is about just as good. Maybe I'm never going to have a relationship again. It is time to accept that. I must be borderline personality, because I always get attached to anyone that shows me some attention. But I do think I'm kind, thoughtful etc. so I just don't understand what I do wrong, or that is so bad. I mean, I guess the more I try the more I look too desperate..... sorry to ramble on here, people can ignore me, I just need to type out my thoughts because they are overwhelming me. I took more diazepam and I really want to be off these meds. All they do is make me more depressed. But my heart is always racing with anxiety when I lower it to almost nothing. This guy said all the time that I need a full time job. Gee thanks man, I have lots to do everyday and I know I need work but it isn't that simple to just get a job. Sister is smart, and she said if I do that, I'll lose my drug benefits, dental etc., and I don't need that. I hate feeling like people look down on me for not working enough.