It sounds like you are still deep in the grieving process. I'm sorry she treated you so horribly. I can see why it would be almost impossible to learn to trust another therapist. Your grief and inability to make sense of what happened is very understandable because in truth, what happened makes no sense at all. It cannot be grasped logically and emotionally. No wonder you are in a bind in your search for a new therapist. Wishing you the best, PaulaS.