This is, was, and always has been a simple matter of your ex-therapist being manipulative and wildly unprofessional.

You've been told this almost a hundred times by almost a hundred people (maybe a slight exaggeration, but you get the point.)

At this point, I'm starting to wonder why you're so attached to the notion of publicly berating yourself for something the logical part of your brain must know wasn't your fault.

Is there some reward in constantly doing this?

I would suggest employing another therapist, preferably one who isn't balls to the wall insane and has a passing grasp of professional boundaries and work this out with them.

Right now, this seems circular and self-defeating and in spite of all the reassurance you're getting and have got, you're just repeating yourself. What, precisely, can anyone here do for you when you've already been told what you need to hear multiple times and you just ignore it and then a few days later post basically the same thing all over again?