I was terminated by my T against my will. Before the termination you can say she and I shared a project together as she helped me to seek funding to continue in therapy with her. I wrote applications to seek funding and she wrote me a certificate describing the therapy and so on.

I got some money quite soon after I made the applications but I´m still waiting for answers from most of the foundations. I have received some money after the termination as well, I´ll use the money to pay my new T, but the letters about being granted money just makes me break down and cry.

Of course I´m happy for being granted money but the grants were to be used to pay for therapy with my former T. The letters remind me of her and when looking at them on my desk and I just miss her even more.

This situation also brings me thoughts about if I could have prevented termination. I don´t think so but I feel I didn´t do everything I could have done either. I don´t regret the complaints I brought to her about therapy and I told her I wanted to stay in therapy with her but we never discussed it in person.

As she was nice helping me with the certificate I´ll never understand how she could terminate me as she in the certificate wrote that we were conducting real therapy and that I had become close to her. Just a few weeks later, everything was over.

Even if I see there´s a chance now to get into a new therapy, I´m still as sad or even more sad than before.