I have been seeing the same therapist week for two years and the more I see this therapist the more I find myself censoring what I have to say. For instance he knows the basis of why I come to therapy because it is in my records (history of sexual abuse, C-PTSD, anxiety and depression) so he asks me the routine questions on that such as "how is your sleep" and "how your anxiety level this week" but that's about it and then we'll talk about current events or something superficial. I want to open up to him more but whenever I do I feel like I can't physically talk. I want to talk to him about my cutting and a recent overdose (I'm not suicidial at the moment) and more about my trauma and even transference but whenever I try I choke up and can't even talk. On my drive over there and even at home I practice what I want to say but when it comes time to say it in front of him I find that I cant.

Because of my financial situation I am very limited on who I can see and don't have an option to switch providers at the time. I guess I need suggestions on how to overcome this fear of opening up more to him. By nature I am a shy person and I was raised in a home where we didn't discuss problems and had to pretend everything was fine so I'm sure that this has somewhat to do with it. I tried to discuss this with therapist but as you guess it I froze up and couldn't talk.

Thanks.