Quote:
Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
Maybe you don't need a partner but you do need some connection in the world. I think that overcoming cPTSD likely does require some attachment or at very least some kind of investment in building a life. It sounds like your T might be lacking in skill and certainly it sounds like a poor fit. But I wonder if T is suggesting that you venture out and seek connection with others and you're hearing "have sex."
If a major source of your self-hatred and isolation is that you don't like being gay, it makes sense for your T to try to address that with you. This is not necessarily about having a sex life but about being able to connect with others--which can be very challenging if you're drowning in self-loathing.
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I don't think that self-hatred is the problem when it comes to being gay - it's more a question of values. When I seek friends I end up with people just wanting to sleep around. That wasn't meeting my needs. Due to chronic injuries, I was forced to give up my tennis hobby and have been unable to find something to replace it. Socially, my skills are not good. I don't smile a lot and don't make great conversation. The problem is compounded by epilepsy which seems to strike when I am most nervous.
In our last talks, the T kept asking if I had bonded with him during the course of my treatment. My response was always that I saw this only as a doctor / patient relationship and did not bond on an emotional level with him at all. In general, due to my cold parents, I don't bond with anyone anymore. In the past, those gay friends who I did seek friendship with all turned me down. I ended up with very dysfunctional friends and those friendships did not last. The usual way to make friends in the gay community is to sleep with people first to create a bond but I don't like sleeping with strangers.