Today the psychiatrist place called me for what seemed like a year on e waiting list. It may be more like 9 months. During the wait was hard as i was suicidal, but now i am okay. It was because of my friend. But i cried telling the decision to the other person. I still am not functioning. I am doing a lot of work on my own and i don't know maybe drug will help me.

But then when drug is gone it, i would be in same place. Always the same run around and i was able to get through depression without drugs.

I know here, people are like take the drug, but i really don't want to anymore. I really want to be helped deeper than just be covered up by drugs. I want to do with complete straight thought from my own being.

So i guess, as i write this i made the right decision for me.

But i still need help.

I still need to get a real job that makes good money.