As I've said before, I think you are warm, loving and smart. Sound pretty fun too. And very intense. Emote away. It's safe and if it helps, even a tiny bit, with your grief, bring it on.

But you are so damn hard on yourself- you do not deserve the degree of self distaste that you inflict on yourself.

That's why I wondered why you keep doing it? If it's cathartic for you, great. The pain is palpable.

PC can always take you- you've given so much support to so many.