I really wish the weather would warm up already. I want to be able to go out there and not totally freeze within minutes. I'd like to go for a walk, but the heavy boots I have are now too big and I fell with them once already.

Even though I was too tough on my son last night, he listened to me better... I hate being tough with him, but I told myself I have to be, his dad isn't here so who is going to be the one to toughen him up? I can't baby him anymore.

I would like a night of some nice or even weird dreams. Instead my head goes round in circles. Still I'm grateful to have another day, hopefully be productive. I had an idea, to do more hair styling part time, sister doesn't think its a good idea.. I think she just wants to see me stuck in a rut. I know that sounds bad, but I'm basing it on everything she has said and done to interfere in my life. I'm tired of being judged for receiving assistance for depression and mental illness. It's only been a few years, but still. I'm guessing 99 percent of people don't understand that, and sometimes I wish I had a more physically disabled body, then I'd get some understanding. Started my anti d again, because I figure being numb is better than nothing. I have no man to be feeling anything for, so go for the numbness. It does make me feel tired and unmotivated though. I'm sick of changing my mind about medication all the time. More than 25 years, med, no med, med, no med... gee make up my mind already