Quote:
Originally Posted by SabinaS
I saw his wife today, by accident. I was late and clashed with one of her clients/patients/students. I don't know what to do now, I'm in complete pieces - the reality of seeing her feels unbearable. I have been feeling really bad about my feelings towards him anyway and have stopped talking about it in therapy but it's been so painful recently, and now this. Can I stop now? would it be stupid to just stop... I can't see anyway through this. I'm so alone, I can't cope with how painful it is... not just the wife bit but the whole thing about loving someone who doesn't and won't love me back, or who isn't even mine to love anyway. And I can't bear the thought of having to talk about it with him in therapy, I honestly never thought it would be this awful.
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I went through a similar thing about 6 months back. I have been seeing my therapist for 3-4 years and we talk about all this, I'm pretty open with it. I told her how I found her Pinterest page and when I saw that she pinned something it brought me comfort. So she disabled the account because she said it shouldn't be out there for me to see, and some things she didn't want me to see. I felt horrible because I took away something she does in her private time, a hobby. Two days later she posted a new profile pic of her and her husband on facebook. Her account is pretty much locked down except for a few things and this was one that was out there...the first time I saw a pic of him, and it was with them together all happy. Anyway I freaked! On one had she took away sensitive private stuff to protect me and 2 days later she did the opposite and posted something that tore me apart from the inside. I couldn't talk or speak for what seemed like 2 days until I saw her. I was done, didn't want to do therapy anymore. When she came to get me in the waiting room she said I looked sick...I was sick with anger! I let everything out slowly, I was so upset I could barley talk. We did work through it though, of all the different types of pain transference brings this was by far the worse. I did learn from this experience and we are still working together. Actually, it hurt like hell but I think it helped overall in the long run. Sure, everything came back when she went out of the county on vacation but we talked about that and poof, again I felt better. I'm sure something else will happen again, but I can say these types of episodes are getting further and further apart. I must say...it feels weird as I WANT to be dependent on her, but I can tell there is growth...finally. And I think if you realize its a long process and there will be times that hurt like hell, you just might be okay. Like giving yourself permission to have these feelings and working through them with him.
Good luck and keep talking!!