Still not doing well. Some shite went down last night. It really got ugly. Had to comfort my mom, and then had no one there to comfort me when it was all said and done. I couldn't even cry. It's like I've over-exceeded my crying limit, and now am not physically capable of tears. Although I want - need - to cry. Had sui thoughts but didn't act on them. Instead I burdened another person with my thoughts, made her worry about me, and now I feel bad. Reassured her that I would stay safe, and I have. I don't regret choosing to live. I just am tired of pain. Whenever I think it cannot possibly get any worse, it does. I feel sometimes like I have cursed myself or something - as if, by saying "It can't possibly get any worse", I'm telling the universe to bring it on, and inviting the gods to dump more shite on me. And now I'm scared as hell tonight will be more of the same because I really am at my breaking point. I can only bend so far before I snap.