Hi,

First post here…

I worked with a T last year for several months. Came in seeking help coping with chronic illness, major depression, relationship problems, death of family and more. And with likely developmental/attachment trauma as underlying issue.

After couple months we shared an intense emotional moment, and everything changed. I already was attracted to her, but now i was consumed by her. I think it was partly real attraction that I felt, but also idealization and projection of very old unmet needs. She began to feel like a goddess, the perfect woman I had always wanted. SHe had some boundary issues which she acknowledged, and I think this is part of why my feelings exploded like a mushroom cloud.

Then she let me know she did not share these feelings -- though did feel a strong connection with me. This was like dying. This plus my illness meant therapy was now unbearably intense at times. We agreed mutually, after much back and forth, to stop. But I saw it not as a final termination but a test to see if i felt better.

I felt worse. The termination itself became the biggest problem. I experienced it as a traumatic rupture -- the relative abruptness of it, nothing resolved, no real plan for transition or further support other than a list of referrals, and then resisting of all contact when I reached out, plus subtle blaming and shaming.

Her reasoning was that it wasn't working and ethically we must stop, for my own well being. My subjective experience is that the opposite is true -- stopping has made me worse, any positive contact makes me feel better. I know that she is btwn a rock a hard place, feeling pressure and guilt and is probably scared that she set off a bomb. So she pushed me off a cliff and walked away. She did try and I do think she is a wonderful person, but mostly i feel badly injured.

I don't see how this ethical. Most of the 5 Ts i have talked to since give her the benefit of the doubt, I should let it go. Few seem to get the attachment trauma dynamic, and how it feels like life and death. I see my inability to let go as a direct consequence of the mishandled therapy and termination, and the powerfully damaging messages sent by the overwhelmed T trying to escape the guilt and the mess.

Sorry for the long post. Anyone have similar experience? Not really looking for advice, just similar stories for perspective. And to vent...

Thanks a lot for reading!