Dear Pickle -- My mother has many views that I cannot discuss with her. Immigrants currently figure high on this list but my mother's mantra is "Everything has changed, and not for the better," a refrain that segues between just about every topic she covers. You can imagine, I'm sure, how depressing conversations can be.

My mother cannot give me what I need. Most likely, she wasn't able to be a nurturing mother, or even a good-enough mother, when I was an infant, which is why I am kind of screwed up now, well into adulthood. I have come to believe that my task as a grown-up is to accept her as she is.

Along the way, I've even learned to be grateful for what she does provide, although I admit that has only happened since 2003 and working with several Ts to straighten out some communication patterns between us.

Best wishes, prayers, and hugs for finding your own way in this most thorny of relationships -- mother/daughter.