I hate my mom for years of emotional abuse, not allowing me To have friends, telling me not to try because I'll fail, comparing me to siblings, growing up believing I'm a low life, not worth it, I eat scrap, my bro got rides to school but I had to take the bus or walk. I had to lend my car to my sister and missed work. She doesn't make any sense. I hate her for doing to me, a huge part of what I had become. First chance I got to move out, to get away for just a couple days, what a relief.

I've got mixed feelings. I am resentful, but I thought I forgave her, I though I separated her from her illness, but I can't forget. I know she loves me, i know she didn't want this. I took steps to independence but things aren't going so well for me. I jut keep my distance, and think about ways to make me better