TRIGGER WARNING.

Hello. I've been dealing with POCD for a while now, and was hospitalized three times over the summer. My therapist has told me repeatedly that I'm not a pedophile, and I've been told by multiple professionals that I'm not dangerous.

But I have a question... Is it normal to have thoughts about "just giving in to it"? I NEVER would. I would NEVER harm anyone especially a child. I get those sorts of "giving up" thoughts though, and sometimes I'm worried I'll just decide I'm okay with being a monster, and then it feels like it's starting to happen- I'll feel a moment of relief and a thought like, "I'm okay with this now" before catching myself and being like, NO, I am NOT OKAY with it. But the moments of "actual consideration" and/or relief really scare me. I'm worried some day my fear will come true.

Is it normal to have moments when you "consider" doing bad things/giving in? That doesn't mean you will, right? I NEVER want to!!!! EVER. Please help!