MattPerry35, if I could ask ... are you currently on medication for your depression? I ask because you described a pattern in your depressive states. If you're fighting depression, you'll be withdrawn emotionally. Ergo, you reach out, but since you don't have the emotional strength, there's an intimacy gap that your wife is sensing. It's a self-defeating circle.

So back to the pattern. Most people are familiar with Major Depression. Many people will have a Major Depressive Episode and then recover and not have to deal with it again. However, Major Depressive Disorder (which I have) is cyclical. There is a pattern of depressive episodes with increasingly shorter latency periods between them. Personally I wonder if you aren't fighting that battle and your doctors haven't quite connected the dots yet.

Getting the depressive episodes under control should help you deal with feelings of resentment and will also give you the strength to regain your emotional closeness. This in turn might help your wife open up so you can make positive strides in your relationship and maybe resolve this issue with the cousin.

Just a thought.