The drugs and alcohol are, of course, just symptoms of a much larger problem, this is why 12 step programs focus on emotions as much or more than the chemical addiction. For many of us, chemicals (including benzos, etc.,) were a coping mechanism to deal with our intense emotions. Without this coping mechanism, it seems we are defenseless against the overwhelming feelings inside us.

All of us in recovery have been through what you're dealing with, in various ways. I promise it DOES get better over time--but it won't if you revert to using chemicals again. That's why staying sober is the 1st step to recovery. And the 4th step can be very unsettling, but most people feel a big sense of relief after getting all of it off their chests.