Fun fact #12529:

Understanding from a neurotypical is a myth.


It's about as real as a unicorn who shyts sparkly rainbows, but luckily I figured that out pretty quickly, so I stopped chasing that train years ago.


Just like I can never understand my aunt who's had a double mastectomy because I've never had cancer, nor had my breasts chopped off, nobody offline understands what its like to live inside my head. Nobody.


Not even the professionals, all they have is a book with lists, a list does not understanding make.


And that's perfectly ok.


I've learned to aim at a different angle


Acceptance...


Accept me as I am. Accept that there are reasons I behave and feel the way I do, accept that my level of control waxes and wanes. Accept that I'm doing the best with what I've got. Accept that these monsters are mine and will be along for the ride.


We can't force anyone to accept nor wait for them to understand, we may as well spend our time waiting for santa or the tooth fairy.


Seems like you need a cooling off period. Find ways to channel your anger constructively (cleaning, singing etc, whatever floats your boat) instead of perpetuating this cycle with your son.


Practice opposite actions,for example, when I want to textually harass my bf and spew venom via fingertips, I pause, breath, and choose to switch off my phone and put it in my cupboard instead.


Been practicing for two years and its still not easy, but the results are more satisfying than an unnecessary argument, a break up or a broken phone.


And the results is the reminder, the incentive, to keep at it, no matter how tempting it is to give in to my nature.


First take a timeout, then decide what to do. Our (BPD) worst enemy is often action before any actual thought process has occurred.