Wednesday was the 1st time I co-facillitated a group, rather than just observing. It was on the mood disorders unit. After the group was over, the therapist that I work with on Wednesdays told me that I have a natural ability to draw the honesty and authenticity out of people. A natural ability. WHOOHOOOO. Haha... BUT I LOVE WHAT I AM DOING.

Today, T said that I have found a connection to something. He seems really happy about that. He looks so happy when I describe it. I think it is because he can see how happy I am when I talk about it. He encourages me to talk about it a lot.

Today he said, "Tell me about your internship." And I replied, "Well, what do you want to know?" And he said, "Everything." My God. I loved that. Talk about the little things that Yalom says mean a lot to us. That meant the world to me. I have to remember next week, to let him know how significant that was for me.

It was strange having therapy on a Saturday. At 3:30. You know what's even stranger? Next week it's going to be on Saturday at 7 PM. He has another conference on Friday.

I told him about a dream I had. In the dream, he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. He was explaining to me why he wasn't wearing it, but I couldn't hear anything he said. No sound was coming out of his mouth.

I told him how difficult it is for me to talk about that. Because it involves "the A-word," as he named it. (He knows I have trouble with the word attachment at this point, so doesn't force it on me, lol).

Then I told him how easy it has become for me to get angry at him, rather than having to face the "other emotions" of transference. He was like, "Ohhhh, other emotions? And which emotions are these?" There was no way I was ready to talk about them. I had acknowledged that they exists, and that was enough for me today. We talked about why it is so hard for me to talk about those emotions with him. But I wasn't ready to actually explore them yet. I told him that I'm sure it wasn't a suprise for him to learn that there are a mess of intense emotions within my transference for him-- that he has to be aware of this. He agreed.

See, I never actually told him any details... I eluded to them, but very indirectly. I mean, this whole thing is in referral to the whole erotic transference thing, hating his wedding ring, hating his wife, all of that... Hahaha, I just had this horrifying thought that we are on completely different pages... Imagine that he really has no idea what I was talking about? And when I finally get around to talking about it, I will go into it with the premise that he has seen it coming all along... and when I finally do, he's like... what the %#@&#! is she talking about??

Therapy is hard. And he looked really good today. %#@&#! wedding ring. %#@&#! transference. lol...