Thanks Pink...

I feel at a loss here a little as I do not really wish to share my depression here as I know this forum is about progress.... though with me depression is part of that progress.

I was way pitiful when I first started and I have improved by leaps and bounds. I damn well hope so as I have worked ferociously hard.

Somehow my pdoc has told me that I have been cutting down trees but that without working on the core the trees will grow back. So I have been clearing trees and brush and am now hoping to do deeper work. So... I know... I am hoping to not avoid and hope that I can belly up to the bar so to speak.

My mom, a retired pdoc, and a popular topic in therapy for all of these years has been supportive to me today in my tears (yes a bit low... but better at this second). I have mixed emotions about doing that but I was there trying to fill my time at this lonely depressive time.

Her thought is that I have had enough therapy and that it is all chemical. My sis has said the same. No siblings have this crap but my dad has had depression, his sister and his dad and his sister's son. There is some bio connection as well as situational. Mother well intentioned but unavailable, etc...

Anyhow Pink...my thought is that my pdoc says that I have not affected my core in 15 years and in my depression I say well what the %#@&#! have we been doing. I have trusted this man. I do know that we have been working ... and working... and maybe are turning a corner so I do not wish to avoid. However, I see at this juncture that life is just difficult and will it ALWAYS be that way damn it? I think that we are closer to the end of therapy but in years I am sure.. a couple maybe. I am middle aged now... with alot I have not accomplished in life.

Oh well... TMI I am sure... but thanks for the vent and hope some of this may give you some insight. I do expect that I will be in periodically for the rest of my life. Hope this T never retires and will live long... but doubt both of those things.

My mom has mentioned (years ago ... this has been a long journey) that therapy continues a couple years after quitting therapy. So I wonder...is that true and what next. I am honestly afraid to stop. (whispering)

I am pleased that you are in therapy for your own needs as well as for the clients that you will be working with in your future. I have had a psychologist PhD friend who never went to therapy and that basically floors me. You are doing well.