Quote:
Originally Posted by mian síoraí
Yes, I want things to work out so badly with him. I just don't think it's going to happen. 
I don't think he cares about me that much or even likes me as a person. He's emotionally unavailable with me, which makes it feel like it was with my parents (both felt like strangers to me). It feels like i'm being re-traumatized in many ways. I've tried to tell him several times now that it feels harmful to me.
We agreed to do more supportive therapy, but nothing has really changed. And he rejects me over and over again. Then my child parts go back inside. Then he'll be sweet for a moment, the child parts come out. Theln he'll be rejecting or distant. They go back inside and hide from the world.
I've never had an ending like this with a therapist. It feels like a massive rejection, in terms of the whole thing. IT feels like my mother rejecting me for being born. The feelings are the same. It actdually feels devastating for it to end like this. |
I think you said before that he is a blank slate type of T? So the theory seems to go that our childhood issues come out. My T is the same and my childhood issues seem so real in the context of our relationship (I was finding my T domineering, overpowering, my 'self' is crushed, my feelings pathetic, my opinions ridiculous). As you know I've been considering quitting my T because of it. I have a feeling that my Ts other clients don't find her to be so, and I have decided to stay with her. However to say that my T is not as I see her denies my reality and I am hoping to be able to challenge her in the moment whenever I feel these things (when I have done this I have found that she did not intend me to take the meaning I did from her words, the problem is I have such brain lag that I don't usually process things in the moment, so don't feel my feelings till after the session).
I too felt a huge loss when I decided to quit, perhaps because I was angry and these issues were unresolved. I know what a hard decision it is.