I would call it more 'neutral', but yes, it can be blank slate.
But it's never consistent.
One day he told me his childhood dreams. One time he sent me a really sentimental email about the gifts I sent him. So I know this is not his personality. And like I mentioned earlier, I see that he is different in therapy with others. That's what makes it feel 100 times worse, that he distances himself from me when I know that is not how his 'real life' personality is.
I think I would be ok with blank slate if corrective emotional experiences follow. Because it truly does bring my issues to surface--and much more intensely than otherwise. But the whole felt experience is missing. There have been some connecting times, but like I mentioned earlier in this thread, when I tell him how this is killing me, he responds with intellectualizations. I need SOME caring, SOME corrective emotional experiences in order to heal.
Damn I've intellectualized for too many years; it was unhealthy; I LOVE feeling intensely and getting back my feeling passionately...I want to feel more like myself again, like when the child parts come out.....not an offspring of Spock!!!!!
What makes you feel angry about leaving? I mentioned some things but am interested in your take.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Owl
I think you said before that he is a blank slate type of T? So the theory seems to go that our childhood issues come out. My T is the same and my childhood issues seem so real in the context of our relationship (I was finding my T domineering, overpowering, my 'self' is crushed, my feelings pathetic, my opinions ridiculous). As you know I've been considering quitting my T because of it. I have a feeling that my Ts other clients don't find her to be so, and I have decided to stay with her. However to say that my T is not as I see her denies my reality and I am hoping to be able to challenge her in the moment whenever I feel these things (when I have done this I have found that she did not intend me to take the meaning I did from her words, the problem is I have such brain lag that I don't usually process things in the moment, so don't feel my feelings till after the session).
I too felt a huge loss when I decided to quit, perhaps because I was angry and these issues were unresolved. I know what a hard decision it is.
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