I think finding a good therapist is a crap shoot, honestly. There's no way to know until you're in it (unless it's obvious up front that it's not going to work out). And that can be several weeks or months down the road, even then it's always got a shadow of the old termination cast over it. The thing to look for, in my opinion, is someone who is okay with that shadow and is still willing to hang in there.

I pay out of pocket, too. So yes. It can be money down the drain if it doesn't work out. But I don't see another option for myself, so I take the financial and emotional risk. It's one of those things you just sort of have to accept because it can't be changed. There are no guarantees. If it involves people, it's going to be messy and uncertain.