(((rainwind))), oh hun, I am sorry that happened, no child should be treated that way, not you or your older sister. I can understand why you have tears about that and they just come out, that is ok that you tear like that, don't be ashamed, just let it happen.

Emotional abuse with children is very hard on them and does present life time challenges. It will help you a lot to talk about this with a therapist so you can finally grieve it and heal. It doesn't matter whether a "hurt" person is male or female, hurt is hurt and the person struggling deserves to have someone finally sit with him/her to talk about it and get the much deserved comfort and caring that has long been needed.

Pay attention to your "self talk" too, because these are messages you picked up from your childhood that need to be corrected by the now adult you. When you struggle and get angry with "self", pay attention and choose to correct the self talk that is negative and feels shame or any unworthiness. If you have challenging emotions, it's ok to stop and sit with those feelings instead of trying to run away from them. Self nurturing is part of the healing that needs to happen, whenever an inner child struggles emotionally, a good nurturer will sit with that child while the child feels and talks, so that's what you need to do for yourself in your healing, lots of patience and self soothing and self care.

Always remember "shame" is an emotion that is experienced because a person was taught to feel shame for having "normal childhood emotions". This is something that takes place when a child has a parent that struggles themselves when they are called to nurture, it is the fault of the parent, NOT the child, it is a lack in the parent, not the child. A parent who is emotionally abusive to their child is projecting their own problems or personal inadequacies onto their child. This is another reason it is important to pay attention to your negative self talk because that is a dialogue you will need to slowly change and it does take time to do that, however, as you keep doing that for yourself you will slowly make gains. Healing does take time, it is up and down and experiencing emotional lows when a hurt person is triggered in a way that is a reminder of any hurt.

With that said ((rainwind)), it is important to understand that being able to "just" ignore or not feel is not what you are really needing or "should be doing" either. When a child is nurtured correctly, they are allowed to feel and be comforted until they gain a release and actually do feel better. A parent is supposed to actually "sit with the child" when they struggle emotionally and comfort that child with "kind and caring words", and also rub that child's back to again "comfort" and that process provides oxytocin that is our natural human way of bringing a balance and sense of safety and permission to keep thriving. When a parent does not provide that kind of "human nurturing" to a child, yes, the child will struggle and it is now important that "you" understand that what you are doing in your healing process is a necessary and you "do" deserve to slowly repair what that child did need in you. Always remember PATIENCE, lots of PATIENCE and self care and never feed into any thoughts of shame, unworthiness, undeserving or anger towards self.

(((Gentle Caring Supportive Hugs)))
OE