I totally f*d up. I gave in to SI. I have no idea what emotions I'm feeling or how to tell. All I know is I've wanted to do the bad stuff for days and just let it take hold. Now I have to sit in pdocs waiting room knowing I messed up but I will not tell her. I do not trust it would be ok. I don't really know what to do. I'm really anxious about it but I know I will be stoic.