The panic went away. I got my script too. Now i'm feeling gigantically sad.

After processing everything with my consult T, I've had some thoughts about changes in our relational dynamics that occurred over the past 2 months that may lead to insights about resolution in some areas. Maybe this all can be worked out after all?

the primary reason I sort of defaulted to having to change therapists is because he keeps saying "you're saying you think I'm not the right therapist for you"; "have you ever thought that I might not be the right therapist for you". I am so upset over his saying that all the time and feel very angry about it. Wouldn't that bother many of the insecurely attached if those words came from anyone you were in an attachment relationship with??? Last time he asked me "have you ever thought I might not be the right therapist for you", I did tell him that I was starting to wonder lately if I should be looking for a new therapist. After that, the very next session, he was really sweet. My child parts were so excited!! Then the session after, it was back to normal, err..neutral.

If he didn't say those things, i'm not sure if I ever would have consulted with another. Yet, I didn't even tell the consult T about this. It was one session, and there was so much to say. I might just ask him for another session but want to talk to my therapist first.

It kind of makes me mad that the consult therapist didn't even suggest to work things out even after telling him I thought my therapist was a good T, I was attached to him, and I like him. I kind of wanted him to encourage me to work things out. So I think I was really blindsided over that.

Also feeling bad about discussing this here without talking to my therapist first. I feel really bad about that. It doesn't feel right. I guess I just couldn't wait because the panic overtook me.