I think what's most damaging for me is how unnatural I feel, how I keep qualifying and restricting my behavior because I go, "oh, this is my T, I can't treat them like any other person, there's strict rules."

I don't see my T in an authority or parental way, so I don't like it. I don't act any more dependent than I would on a friend. Yet I am not allowed (or maybe just have too much pride) to act totally natural, so it's strange.

But I also don't want to leave my T because my situation is bad right now and I don't have anyone else.