I just have to write and to express all my sadness at the moment. I don´t know what to do, I´m devastated about things that happened. I just want to escape from all this but there´s no way out, I don´t drink and such.

To those who haven´t read my former posts, I was terminated some months ago by a T who couldn´t handle complaints and she terminated me against my will, I got abandoned. Since then I´ve tried to find a new T, not just to talk about the former T but mostly to try to solve several other problems in my life.

I´ve seen several T:s and some weeks ago I found one that seemed nice and understanding. Here it´s standard to have three evaluation sessions and then you decide if you want to proceed into therapy.

I saw this potential T three times and I told her from the beginning that I was able to meet with her on either Wednesdays or Thirsdays. She didn´t work on Fridays. The question about available appointment times was brought up all three times I saw her and she knew I was interested, I told her so in the meeting and also when I wrote her follow-ups on e-mail. (She told me it was ok to contact her via e-mail).

The first and second time I saw her, she told me there were available appointment times on Wednesdays and Thirsdays and she also told me there were NO special time frame within which I had to get back to her. In the third meeting she suddenly told me there were no available appointments on Thirsdays any longer.

She also knew from the beginning that I choosed among a couple of T:s but I was very clear every time that I thought of the sessions with her in a positive way.

When I realised there were just available appointments on Wednesdays, and just only one slot I e-mailed her after the session and asked her for how long she could hold on to that session. She told me she could hold it for a week.

The thing here is that she let me see her for three evaluation sessions and as I talked positively about her and the sessions I just counted on that she also knew she would be available if I choose to begin therapy. I´ve had the evaluation sessions during three weeks, one session a week and as she every time told me about the same available slots, I thought I could count on that.

I found her behaviour quite strange because who lets a potential client into evaluation sessions without even knowing for sure there´ll be available slots when the evaluation is over? It was just plain "luck" that the only time on Wednesdays hadn´t been scheduled, it could just as well have been and then I hadn´t even had the opportunity to choose.

The other thing was, if she noticed that she got many enquiries and she noticed there were almost no slots left for me - why didn´t she tell me? Why did she let me continue in evaluation?

I e-mailed this potential T about this, she wanted me to e-mail her, not call her and I first got the answer that she believed I should see another T. She said believed and I both e-mailed her saying that I was still interested in seeing her even if I asked her about this thing about the available sessions.

I then also called her and left her a message in her voicemail and just said I wanted to talk to her about the whole thing and I left her my phone number.

Now, just half an hour ago or so, she sends me another e-mail and says her offer about therapy is no longer available. Of course she blamed me, she talked about negative transference!

Wouldn´t every potential client who sees a potential T expect the T to have available slots if you decide to proceed into therapy? How can this be negative transference?

As we several times talked about available slots - how can this be a reason for her to deny me to continue? I don´t understand any of this. Perhaps someone here at PC understands...