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You’ve all given me a lot to think about. I definitely see how my symptoms were shoved down before therapy and only after all this time working with her have they started to surface because I’ve started to trust her. It’s only been during this past year that I’ve started to really trust her and open up and let my feeling out and share my truth. I think that’s why the attachment has just started, too.
I do take antidepressants and in the past they’ve worked much better than they have this past six months – but I also have a whole lot of crap going on in life that is crushing down on me – which may be a huge part of my problem too. T tells me I have a much harder life than most people she sees – though I often wonder if she just says this to me to try and get me to stop minimizing my problems. I try to stay very active with exercise and going out with friends and at church, etc., but it seems that if I don’t have an external event to keep me busy, my mind gets the best of me and I automatically slip into depression and start thinking about all, of this therapy crap and how awful I feel and wanting to end my life (but I’m not going to).
Maybe some of you are right and it does get worse before it gets better. It’s only been the last year that I’ve really been opening up and only the last several months that I’ve developed this neediness for T and therapy. I’ve only felt this incredibly awful since October. Maybe it’s just the beginning of me feeling worse before it gets better.
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