I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 2 years ago and it definitely changed my life for the better. Right now, not so much. I am currently taking 250 mgs of lamictal, 100 of zoloft, trazadone for sleep, and i occasionally take xanax. I have a great support system, my family, friends, and boyfriend are all so good to me and I'm do greatful to have them in my life.

So I was laid off from a job I was at for a little more than a year, I hated it there so I wasnt that upset about it. I was all geared up and ready to look for a new job and I was also on unemployment. 10 days later I found a new job with the same salary. I was really liking it there, mostly because the days went by so fast, but I was having trouble keeping so I was let go on Wednesday. They were extremely sweet about it and told me that they really liked me as a person and they knew I was trying my best but it just wasnt a good fit, and I agreed.

Fortunately, I am still able to be on unemployment but I have absolutely no motivation to find work. I am crying a lot and I don't want to be around anyone, even my boyfriend. I literally just want to lay in a dark room, smoke weed, and watch disney movies (which is what I do when I'm depressed). Last night at around 1am I just started sobbing while my bf was asleep next to me and I just wanted him to leave so I could be alone. I just want to lay in bed all day and watch tv to escape the awful world out there. I am in a really bad place right now but I've been trying to act strong in front of everyone else because I just don't think they would understand as much as people on here would. I know I need to look for a job since I have bills to pay and crazy student loan debt, but honestly I just want to stay away from everyone.

Mostly the reason why I am posting this is just to talk to someone who understands what I am going through. I got short term insurance from blue cross because I thought I would be getting insurance from my previous job and I just found out it doesnt cover mental health meds. I ****ing hate the healthcare system in this country...I cant afford to go talk to someone right now and I thought this would be second best.

Thank you for reading this long post. Thanks in advance for your help!