I was injured at work last year and have spent every day since just trying to get some help. I've been left unable to work. Worker's comp dropped me, I'm not eligible for unemployment, Indiana has no welfare program that can help me until their reform bill passes, and my only actual recourse is filing for disability. I didn't want to, but my savings are running out and I don't want my girlfriend paying for my bills.

Depression and anxiety are nothing new, but my existing problems have been made much worse through all of this and I've begun having many new problems. I still can't see a doctor and I rarely leave the house. I have a psych evaluation next week for disability and I'm absolutely terrified that they're going to write me off like everyone else already has. I cannot handle being grilled over my situation and I think that because I'm young, they won't be objective and instead try to prove that I'm abusing the system. I'm scared that I'll be labeled a fraud, which is obviously worse than having to explain why I was out of work for so long when I'm able to work again and I'm asked in an interview. This is one dilemma I don't need.

On top of all this, I've been trying to work on myself since I have nothing else to do. I have moments where I feel brave and confident, but it usually is replaced with crippling fear and it makes me physically sick. Even today I've gone through this cycle twice. Worse still, I'm going to see my parents after my evaluation next week and I've grown to where I'm totally intolerant of my father. I cannot handle him at all and he's a trigger. The only thing I see when I think about him is the blinding terror I went through growing up. He's a non-functioning and high-level alcoholic who is obviously in the late stages of some serious health problems, for which he has not received treatment. He was able to hide it until a year or two ago, but has not been to his doctor for longer than that.

I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, only more pain and disappointment. I wonder why I bother going home when I always leave feeling like a zombie. I'm already drained emotionally and limited physically. How will I ever make it?