Well, I am afraid you missed my point again..It's not really about the specifics of what you do. If you don't believe a hotline will help you, fine, don't call then. But being where you are right now, no therapist will be able to help you either. I don't think, you are in a place where you have enough mental clarity to define what kind of help you need and what exactly you want and expect a prospective therapist to do. How do you find this clarity? I don't know. What I do know is that as long as you don't have it, you will continue to get disappointed.