I had a bizarre thing in childhood that I think would qualify me as disturbed...I used to wish for illnesses like cancer so I could be in the hospital. I always wanted to be in the hospital. I would fake injuries too, so I could get crutches or braces or an ace bandage. Sometimes I would actually convince myself that I did feel pain and it wouldn't stop until the doctor said nothing was wrong. I faked bad eyesight so I could get glasses (I got karma for that one because now I really am legally blind without my glasses). And I would also attempt to break bones.mi would jump out of my tree and try to land on my wrist. I would do complicated jumps on my rollerblades hoping to fall. One time I even let the heavy garage door fall on my arm a few times trying to break it. I never succeeded.

I think this was because my mom was depressed and never paid any attention to me, and my dad was chronically ill and in the hospital frequently. I think I thought having a physical illness or injury was the only way anyone would pay attention to me, since I was completely ignored by the kids at school too.

But no one ever knew. the school nurse brought it up one time because I would intentionally fall on the playground in order to get scraped so I could go to her and get a bandaid. But she never mentioned it to my mom.mahe just said if I couldn't stay safe I would have to stay inside with her at recess. My mom never noticed because she was upstairs sleeping all the time and my dad was too sick. So I'm not sure if any professionals ever labeled me like that, not until sixth grade started and I failed all of my classes (I was in the advanced program and had always gotten As and Bs.

This is why I have such a problem going to the doctor now. I always think that maybe I'm just faking it. That's also why I have such a hard time admitting bipolar - I think what if I'm just being dramatic? What if I'm making this worse than it really is? It wasn't until I had a psychotic break which I couldn't have faked that I believed it.

I did tell my mom I thought I was depressed once in sixth grade and she just kind of shrugged.