Hi
I really just need to talk to someone who might understand how I am feeling.
I have been seeing a therapist on and off for a little over two years. The first time I went to see her everything went very well, so when a more serious problem or problems really because what was going on in my life affected pretty much everything I spoke to her again.
My life was in chaos and I really was not coping very well, speaking to her was extremely helpful plus I managed to sort my stuff out. So things were fine.
Just shortly after our sessions ended I lost my job, there were cutbacks in the organization I worked for and I was made redundant. I called her again, we met three times. It was helpful, a good reminder for me of the facts that I have tools I can use to cope. Life was difficult, but I managed.
Anyway, just recently I called her again. I have a new job now and my anxiety seems to be shooting up to a serious level. I do still know my coping strategies but sometimes you need someone who knows how to talk (no offense to my wonderful friends and family), someone who can just assist you to tilt in the right direction. I called her, originally I had thought that meeting her once maybe twice would be enough. I went to my appointment and we talked. I was unhappy with the session and didnīt really have the guts to be assertive about it, I said good bye and went home. I have felt irritated at her before, but thats a different kind of irritation the one that comes up when you confront something difficult or when you slightly disagree with someone. These irritations pass and often leave a new way to see things which is helpful. This was not the case this time, I was just hurt and felt like my actual issues had been slighted. Anyway, I discussed that with my husband and a close friend. My friend is a great listener (no offense dear hubby
, she helped me regain my confidence (which was a little bruised after this session), then I decided I wanted to confront her. Like I said I trusted her very well and wanted to hear her side of the story, in fact I wanted to feel like I could keep her in my phonebook as my therapist.
I called her, told her I wanted to speak to her. She gave me an appointment and we met up. I felt nervous going in (her "slights") werenīt huge though I felt hurt, I was worried about her reactions and afraid that she would think that I was making a big deal out of nothing. We spoke, she didnīt see things my way and I felt like she was a little angry at me, but she was completely professional and I listened to her. Than she told me that a therapist/ client relationships sometimes came to an end. I felt hurt, I barely managed not to start crying, I couldnīt disagree with her and after she said this I wouldnīt have wanted to. I donīt want to talk to a therapist, who does not want to talk to me and who puts an end to things as I decide to confront her.
It is important for me that you know that our discussion was civil and maybe the confrontation was not the reason she wanted to end our work together but I feel horrible, completely deflated and very rejected.
Anyway I said goodbye, told her I was not really looking for therapy at this time (which is true), came home and just started crying.