Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneC
Bluegray....I am sorry that it was such a hard session, but also glad for you that you were able to have that connection with your younger self. I cam imagine how sad you may feel, take kind care of yourself right now ok? 
Werewoman.....wow, you post had me feeling....a lot. And I began to cry, I was so touched about how well you have taken care of your little inner child. It has really touched me. Today, in a brief moment after my session, I felt desperately sad......and a part inside me said....."I wish I could take you in my arms and never let go...I'm sorry you are hurting so" and then the other mean part came back with horrible words and told me not to be soo stupid, to sort myself out and ignore that little one. |
Yeah, I get that. I remember times when the little me would berate the adult me because she thought I wasn't doing enough to protect her in certain situations. That's why I refer to her as my irrational self because some of the demands she was making simply were not possible, but being a child, she couldn't understand that and I just had to ignore her demands and try my best to make her feel as safe as I could. To this day, I don't think she ever really feels completely safe, nor will she ever. She can't be expected to understand what she has never known.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluegrey
Thank you all for your support. It helps to know that there are other people who have some idea of what this feels like.
Werewoman, your post was so helpful. I'm glad reading my experience helped you, too. Is it ok to ask you some questions? I could send you a PM if you prefer that to putting things here.
This is all a bit weird, and yet it also feels quite natural. The terror and misery of the little me came out when all this was first triggered nearly a year ago, I just didn't realise what it was. Has that little part of me always been there deep down, feeling like that? I feel like I want to talk to her and comfort her, but I'm not sure if I should do that in my own or wait till I see T again. It seems extremely dissociative, which scares me, or am I reading too much into it? I don't know. I mean, it sounds like DID, which somehow seems different from depersonalisation and stuff.
I'm sure it's good that I've found the little me and that I have that very early memory. I suppose I just don't like being uncertain about what's happening.
Thank you again, all of you, for your kind thoughts. I don't feel like I deserve them but I'm glad to have them.
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Bluegrey,
Of course you can ask me anything you want, either here or by PM is fine. If my experience, no matter how painful to remember, can help others, I am glad to share whatever it is you want to know about.
I think you may be reading too much into it, but if it makes you that uncomfortable, you should definitely wait until your next session with your T.
I know what you mean when you talk about your concerns about it being disassociative. I used to wonder about the same thing, but I now know it's not. It's a normal survival response to situations that no child should ever have to endure and it helps me be a stronger person and deal with all the confusion and terror I felt in those early years so that I could understand it better when I got older.