Hello.
I know no one will read this, but I will write it anyway.

I have organised my topic into sections.
I was diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder 4 years ago. I quit therapy after only one season because I could no longer afford it. Recently, I have been getting really bad. I don't know what's real and what's not.

- There is an invisible machine that steals the thoughts from my brain. When someone looks at me while I am thinking, I feel as if they're capable of reading my thoughts; it's like they are evesdropping in my mind. I believe in magic and that I have been harmed emotionally through it. People use magic to know what I'm thinking and use it to plot against me.

- When I read a book, it seems like there are hidden messages in it that only I can read. The characters seem like old friends whose physical characteristics I can recall but they can't remember me.

- I always feel as if someone is watching me and video recording everything I do. There are hidden cameras everywhere I go. I even put bandages on my teddy bear's eyes so he stops staring at me at night before I fall asleep.

- I'm a really good student (%87, -A). My teachers say that my writing is quite advanced for my age but they often complain that I use strange metaphors and phrases. I don't think they are strange at all. I have a problem with arranging my thoughts into words when I talk with someone. It seems like my ideas get mixed together and I sweat, stutter and don't know what to say; but when I write, my thoughts flow perfectly, exactly how I want them to be.

- I work according to tables and to-do lists. If I don't complete the list or I do it in a different order, I go completely crazy. I'm obsessed with keeping things in a neat and tidy condition.

- I get messages to my brain. Once, all the houses in the neighbourhood were transforming hostile messages to my brain. I get messages from various people that I can read and play over in my head, and reply to them silently. There is this tree house where three evil kids created this machine and so I went down cutting the tree with a chainsaw. Evil people. They all want me dead.

- I get so absorbed and fixated on imagination. I have an other world I go to when reality seems to break me down. A world where cutting my skin makes the blood turn into rubies that light the way for little girls who lost their way home to gingerbread houses. A world where I have ghost friends, one of them is the sun queen that has hair weaved of sunlight and spider-like legs into the sky; and a ghost friend called Tom that only appears in the rain when it gets too dark. They try to take me into their world to help them fight against the snow queen that wants to turn the world into a cold, astray and snowing world where people are under her control. The sun queen sits next to my bed everyday, combs my hair with her hand and sings me to sleep. She protects me against the evil and her voice is the most beautiful I ever heard. Tom smiles at me from outside my windows when it rains and he hugs me when the thunder is too loud. My friends are real to me, except that no one else could see them.

- I absolutely am extremely terrified of people. I feel like everyone hates me and they want to make me suffer.

I am very sorry because this is long. I just want help so desperately but none of my parents care about me. I'm a 17 year old girl and I don't have a driver's licence and my family can't pay for therapy. They don't even think there is something that's wrong with me. They're completely in denial. I don't know what to do. I've been having lots of suicidal thoughts and I cut a lot too. I just want to be okay and find a meaning to my life. Please help. My depression is killing me. Help me before I kill myself.