I am new to this forum. I really appreciate the posts and comments. I have been diagnosed with depression but have avoided in depth care and diagnosis of bpd, mainly because I have been in denial of the severity and existence of my behavioral issues. I am wondering if anyone else has obsessive compulsive thoughts and or paranoia during manic or hypomanic episodes. I seem to have a go-to reoccurring paranoia of my husband cheating on me. This has been a major disruptive issue, a VERY self destructive issue. I cannot stop thinking about it. I cannot distract myself from it.I am so miserable with myself I feel I would rather die, but have never acted upon it. I CANNOT make it stop. My behavior is so disruptive and destructive to our relationship, has caused multiple separations. I know this, and it is my worst fear to loose him, yet I cannot make myself stop because as soon as I get up in the morning my first thoughts are accusations and "well if that were true, then why...." I wonder if I repeat this destructive behavior to force myself out of my mania. I push him until we have a HORRIBLE fight and I actually have to face loosing him. Eventually, once I have done this I become guilt ridden, sullen, scared, and usually end up in a depressive state because I hate myself so much for what I did to him. Anyone else have issues with obsessive thoughts/ paranoia's?