I've failed. I went so long before last yr not cutting yet now it is my go to. I don't even know y I did it the other day. I've been very down for weeks and I thought I was just blah but ok. I cannot tell my wife she'd be very upset disappointed and stressed by it. She worries so much when I'm down like this and I try so hard not to be and I try to hide it but I guess I'm awful at it. For the first time in my life I feel so much shame for giving in.

Now I look at the fresh cuts and just hate myself even more. I've no idea what to do. I know it's bad but when is it too much and I have to get help or message T? I see T every Monday now and I'll probably speak of it since she's pretty perceptive of when I'm hiding something. Only problem is the last time I told her she blocked the door and almost don't let me leave. This only makes it worse. It makes me feel trapped. It makes me very paranoid and anxious irritable and very possibly dangerous. I don't know what to do or how to do it. I can't even identify the majority of my emotions. I can't name them or pinpoint how I feel.

Any advice?