@ Christina thanks for being blunt, you're correct on all of your points. The last one is very true too, without my parents I would not be able to survive in this world at this point, plans have been made with my brother in case of the unthinkable, but hopefully I can get righted one day and can get by on my own as I did when I left home at 17 and supported myself until my first bipolar breakdown at 30ish.

@Moog, the program made me leave after a month as my insurance ran out and they felt my progress was immense. I went from total zombie to being stable in a month and it worked well, but I was in a program with drinkers and hard core drug users, and was so out of place. I really need for gambling and out of control project building.

@Always, yes you're right and even though I hate to admit this my weed usage is too much and not enjoyable like it was pre-med marijuana days when was using to party with friends and wasn't so strong.

I had a good two days since my post. Looking forward to seeing my shrink on Monday and get to another doctor to get back on meds. I will take in to account the above posts, but will not divulge my current issues to my parents until after my mom gets her results on Wed. Its just to much to take, they think Im stable and their world is totally turned around when Im a mess.

Taking it day by day, and today is going to be a good one with a bike ride, nap, and reading .