I've been struggling a lot lately, and my main issue is not understanding which of my mental illnesses is causing which feeling. Bipolar? Borderline? ADD? Anxiety? Something entirely different, undiagnosed and untreated? As I was having a particularly bad night a few nights ago, I was laying in bed twisting and turning my limbs because I was restlessly exhausted. This thought suddenly popped into my head, and it was the only way I've ever found to describe exactly the way I was feeling.

It feels as if my entire body, every atom, every neuron, every nerve and muscle, every thought, every cell, is a magnet. When I feel healthy, the magnets attract each other and I come together to form a cohesive unit. But when I am not healthy, every magnet is repelling every other magnet. Like my body struggles to stay together from the repulsion, every thought feels like it's got a negative energy trying to pry it from my brain even if the thought isn't negative, like every cell is trying to push each other cell away.

I hope someone else relates to this feeling (but of course, I also hope no one else feels this bad, ever, in their entire life).