I said what I could. I was trying to get out "I'm thinking of od-ing," but I couldn't make myself say it. I did conciously resist covering up how I was thinking, and was very negative, I know I showed warning signs. But I think they had an entirely different mindset, I don't know if it even occured to them I might be suicidal. I think they thought I was just overwhelmed with stress and loneliness, but not in danger. I know they're not against psychiatric treatment, N has been on the edge of getting me in the hospital before, and B has said he'd want me in there if that's what it took to be safe. I just didn't make myself clear enough.
I was very bad last night. I'm going in today, around noon. I called last night, but they had no room, so I insisted I was safe overnight and I'm on the waiting list, someone's leaving about noon.
I really hate this. I don't want to go in, I don't want to stay here, but this time I'm afraid of what I really want. I don't want to deal with this.