I agree with Ididitmyway - and though it may hurt to hear, I think there is some valuable learning here.

I was in extreme distress when I first sought out therapy several years ago. I'm convinced the psychiatrist who assessed me at the hospital was damn near frightened of me. I could feel his subconscious attempt to recoil from me as I sat across from him. It was horrible. I was so needy at the time, and his inability to handle my neediness was incredibly distressing to me. But I came by that neediness honestly, and over time I learned to respect that the neediness was the result of a sh*tload of poor experiences I had leading up to that moment and a lack of 'good enough' parenting to help me get through it.

My mom was an anxious person who was afraid of my anxiety, which meant MY MOM WAS SCARED OF ME. How does one grow up healthy in that kind of household?

My T said that one has to be ready to engage in therapy. There are a lot of things that can be done to prepare for therapy, and I think group therapy is a great option for you. I've done group therapy many times, so I'm not saying it in a judgmental way. I find it very helpful.

Group therapy will allow you the opportunity to practice working within a therapeutic framework. There are rules to this framework, of course. Personally, I had a hard time dealing with the rules when I was not well. But experiencing these emotions allowed me the opportunity to practice managing them, which helped me get through them.

The good news is that group therapy is less expensive, so it will be less difficult financially as well. Give it a try! I think you might like it.

Good luck!