Ok, as I said in my intro post, this coming Monday I have an appointment with my GP, and plan to be completely truthful about how I am.

I have been treated for anxiety/depression for 20years, but I've never been able to tell my GP or therapist (not currently under a therapist, will be seeking a referral again) about my mood swings, exactly how bad my depression/anxiety can be etc.

I suffer from high moods where I want to do all kinds of things in the world, usually fixating on something and will spend weeks researching online and in libraries until my mood changes or I have another random thought.

I can also be in a calm & generally happy mood, then something trivial will make me snap and I become a nasty aggressive person, often taking it out on my family (verbally not physically) or I break stuff.

Then that leaves the depressed mood swings where I don't want to do anything except sit in a dark corner and cry, I used to self harm during this stage but have managed to bring that under control myself through meditation.

I also impulsively buy animals and food?!

A quick example of a mood swing of mine, this particular happening is the reason I am going to see my GP;

Tuesday last week everything was fine and dandy, my wife took our son to work as normal but, was a little later home than I was expecting, which made me livid for zero reason, I didn't speak to my wife or anyone else for the rest of that day, the next morning we had a row about it (antagonised by me) I then told my wife I was leaving her, had a row with my mother and sister, smashed a mobile (cell) phone, walked for 4 miles in the pouring rain and sat in the cemetery for 2 hours talking to my dead brothers grave.
I then got a bus home, wife came home after visiting her own brother and I was again happy and acting as if the last 36hours had not happened.

This is one example of many. I have been like this almost my entire life and I can't carry on like this but, I'm so scared of what the outcome and diagnosis/treatment plan might be?!?