Hello GenniPorter, welcome to Psych Central.

Well, that really doesn't sound like a loving two way equal relationship at all. It sounds like a very abusive relationship to me and this will affect your mental health if it continues as it is. Someone with BPD does not usually have violence as symptoms of their disorder, they usually find it difficult to maintain relationships, so this behaviour in my opinion is not part if this mental health diagnosis. Is she totally aware of how abusive she is towards you?

You can either talk to her and suggest counseling either as a couple or and I would say it would be good for you anyway to seek some counseling for yourself. Or you decide to stop this relationship, for your own mental health and wellbeing. Hard decisions to make.