Welllll...honesty hour, PC bipolar crew?

I hated therapy and I'm never doing it again.

I tried it for about four months at the urging of my psychiatrist, but it was useless and boring and a waste of money. I also wrangled with horrible anxiety about it. I was terrified just sitting in the waiting room. It made me feel so much worse that it was like I was paying to go be tortured for 50 minutes a week. I seriously can't believe a therapy room is supposed to be a safe space, I would feel safer scuba diving with sharks.

The therapist spent most of our sessions talking about herself, which is either a sign she wasn't a good therapist or she was trying to get me to open up through self-disclosure. Either way, it was deeply annoying.

To be fair, I should have realized before I attempted it that it wouldn't be useful, because there is 0% chance I'm ever going to trust a therapist the way you apparently have to trust a therapist to get anything done (based on what I've learned from reading the PC forums, anyway).

I haven't trusted people that way since my stalker incident and frankly I don't see a benefit to trying. After the way I was hurt by my stalker, I consciously don't want anyone near me or my feelings. It's not worth it, and I get very anxious and defensive just thinking about it when my psych brings up wanting me to try it again.

I am an emotional porcupine.

On the other hand, I've done a bit of reading here and there - not about bipolar, but about CPTSD and dealing with toxic family - and *that* has improved my life significantly.

I don't mean to bash therapy, I'm sure it is absolutely wonderful for people who are willing to try it. I know it can be a lifesaver. I'm just openly and emphatically not willing. At least for now.