I look at my past. I continue mulling about it. Sometimes all the time. I have left a trail of pain and irrepairably damaged relationships, bodies littered on the floor. I still wonder what is wrong with me, how could I do such mean and thoughtless acts. I get really depressed. And I think of the past even more.

I wish there was a switch on my head that will turn off this pain I continue to give myself. I want the past removed from my brain. Because if I continue to dwell on the past, I will have no future. I have been at times a real awful person to those close to me. Furthermore, I have burned all bridges to professional success. I blame myself for the failures in my life.

How can I forgive myself? What I did to others? What I did to myself? I am now on disability. I continue to have problems with my mind, both affective and cognitive. My daughter deserves better. Not the crazy father. But one who is stable in all aspects of his life, in his relationships and a successful career that can pay for her college. Be a good example to her.

I have said enough.