so my ptsd was triggered major which in turns triggers my mania. ive been stable a long time. now i have been manic minxed for a couple months. i had to get off my AP due to TD which is what was keeping me totally stable for so long and we havent found a replacement. things are seriously getting out of control. i have spent thousands. this weekend has been bad. i just redocorated my apartment in the last couple hours when i only went to the store to buy some baskets to put some scarfs in. now i have crashed. i accidentently stabbed myself on a sharp objecct and before i saw the damange i envisioned a giant gapping wound that would require a trip to the ER. and i thought how nice that would be to just stay in the hospital. be someplace safe before i do anymore damage to my bank account. relax, get away from it all. it was so appealing. i wanted it so badly. i just lost it. the desire was so strong. i texted all those friends who said call any time and recived no response. i just kept visualizing the safety and security of the hsopital. so i called to see what it would take. they dont check people in in the middle of the night. i could go tothe ER and wait till morning. like i want to wait in the er all night? so then i asked wht inpatient would offer me. it doesnt sound like anything outpatient could offer me. they cant stabilize me anymore than my pdoc can. why does thins have to be such a mess.