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Originally Posted by lilodian4ever
I understand what you're saying. It's hard to hear someone tell you that you need to take care of yourself ... it feels like invalidation.
But, even you'll agree that ... if you're 30 yrs and 0 days old today, you will be 30 yrs and 1 day old tomorrow. You cannot get back time you lose, so it is wise to think about how you spend each day.
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This wasn't exactly my point, Lilo. It's in the approach, and the fact that people like to skip right over validating the other person's feelings. If someone falls down the stairs, do you just toss some band-aids at them and say, "There's a phone down the hall to call for an ambulance if it's bad." No.
Of course we all have to take care of ourselves. I think every one of us knows that. It's hard not to. But we want to be cared for and know that our pain matters to someone somewhere. We want to hear that someone understands.
Dropping a "solution" on someone's head that seems impossibly far away just when they're feeling so hurt and hopeless (especially when the person doesn't know how to achieve it) is the opposite of helpful. If anything it weighs that person down more, and they feel even more alienated and uncared for. It's terribly important to address someone's FEELINGS. Not just the problem. We're human beings, not robots.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilodian4ever
I am of the opinion that one can either sit around and hope for that savior ... this is called idealism, and I used to be guilty of it. ... and surrender control to others, or reject that idea altogether and learn to take care of yourself in whatever way possible ... accept that this world is a harsh, hostile place, and that people are generally selfish ... this is called realism.
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Personally, I'm not sitting around waiting for a savior, and I don't think anyone else I've read posts from seems to be either. Trust me, I'm a realist of the first degree. I've lost a great deal of my idealism.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilodian4ever
I can send hugs your way and say that I'm sorry you feel this way, and pretend that some miracle is going to happen ... I can tell you this all day, everyday, for the next several years. At the end of that time, if that is all you rely on, you will be the same person with the same issues if not worse. Or, I can tell you what I know might help.
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See above.