I think you may be right that the project building is a form of gambling. When I project build I usually totally stop gambling and use the money for what Im doing. My projects all originated when I lived abroad and I get a massive rush trying to put it together through information gathering, travel and networking. My biggest problem is usually success as Ive had quite a lot, but can't hold it together with the finances.

I use med marijuana as its cheaper and better quality than street. I love to smoke weed. Ive done it for almost 25 years (lots of breaks) and nothing makes me more happier than firing up.

Ive seen dozens of shrinks over time. The biggest problem is I move a lot and never get consistency. Ive lived in like 7 countries over the last 7 years. Since Im settled down now I can find the consistency, but the shrink I have now may be the wrong match as she lets me ramble a lot and then when Im quiet its really weird as she has nothing to really say.

Tomorrow Ill go back to her to ask about a doctor who can prescribe meds. My last one fired me because I wouldnt quit smoking weed. I will agree to cut-down big time at this point but not sure if I will 100% quit and not sure if the other doctor in their office will take someone who smokes. I wont lie and if they have the power to drug test me I dont want to live that way if I smoke a few times a month. To say lll quit would be a lie as Ill end up being with a friend or stumble to the weed store as its so easy. But Id love to cut down by at least 80% right now.

So tomorrow I will see the path to get back on meds, but I know appointments are hard to get and it may take upwards of a month or so, but maybe they can squeeze in an emergency or something.

As for inpatient that is my worst nightmare. I dont like 12 step programs at all but have enjoyed some Gamblers Anonymous in the past and would much rather look at that route first.

Yesterday was great exercising, eating well and chilling. Will do the same today, but hope it doesnt rain.

Other good news is I have an interview tomorrow for a job with like between 20 - 30 hours a week. Its a 100% field position and I wouldnt have co-workers to clash with. Im interested in the details and hope it works out as it would be perfect. It would close a huge gap with my bills and give something to build around.