Living just gets harder and harder. I have nothing at all to look forward to. I try to make things to get excited about, just little stupid things, like a new episode of a TV series that I like. But then god, or fate, or whatever, will insert some obstacle that makes it impossible for me to enjoy the thing I was looking forward to, whatever it is (example - my parents fight all through the new episode I'm watching so I don't even get to hear any of it.) Or I will be looking forward to a chat with a friend online, and something will interrupt that as well. It always happens. I get frustrated to the point of tears, because it's hard enough already for me to find things to look forward to, without having them be shat on, time and time again.

It's to the point where now I'm scared of looking forward to/getting excited over anything, because I know how fast it can be ruined for me. It's ridiculous. I wish I didn't have to feel this way.